The World Health Organisation has issued a new warning against non-essential travel to the entire Western Hemisphere following renewed concerns about the spread of Severe Loss of Perspective Syndrome (Slops).
Officials are warning travellers not to visit western Europe and North America where outbreaks of the disease have led to mass panic among the media, and increased profits from DIY stores as the gullible public rush to bulk-buy face masks and boiler suits.
A WHO spokesman said, “You’d be much better going to somewhere like Thailand or China, because all you’ve got to worry about there is Sars, and let’s face it, you’re about as likely to die from that as you are to get kicked to death by a gang of zombie nuns.”
The Sars virus has now claimed a staggering 500 lives in only six months, which makes it considerably more deadly than, say, malaria, which only kills around 3000 people every single day. Malaria, however, mainly affects only natives what speak foreign, whereas SARS has made at least one English person feel a bit iffy for a couple of days, and is therefore considered much more serious.
The spread of Slops has now reached pandemic proportions, with many high-level politicians seemingly affected by the disease. Its rapid spread has been linked to the end of the war in Iraq and the need for western leaders to give the public something to worry about. Otherwise, they might start asking uncomfortable questions about domestic issues.